My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
