you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You left your phone here
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