He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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