Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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