I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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