About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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