it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
