He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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