My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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