Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
