Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think people are normalizing furries
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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