what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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