I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
