some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
