Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My friends, they love my intelligence
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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