eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
