he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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