You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
