Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
