You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
