Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
