hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
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