I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was confusing and full of hummus
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
