She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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