all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
