i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
All I want is dick and wine.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
