Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
