The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
