I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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