Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
