Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We are all done wearing pants today
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
