I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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