Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
