don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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