so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
3 2 1 whiskey
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
