Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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