Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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