We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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