oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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