I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Terrible idea I love it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
