fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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