after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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