know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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