You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
