She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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