i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
