well you can't waste a boner
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
