guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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