we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
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So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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