This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
