things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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