My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
