I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
