Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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