It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
