The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize