would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
