Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
