Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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