It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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