one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
