I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
