he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am naked and annoyed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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