overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
high people should be assigned attendants
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize