Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
