someone threw a dead crab at me
Buhtt sex?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
