Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
