so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
