the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.